8/21/17

Ear Pork Chopping


8/18/17

Up Your Decor - Overdone is never done.



Hey there, decorators! It's mid-to-late summer, and maybe you feel as though you've done all the decorating you can do in one season? Well, your old pal Vorbia's here to tell you that you're not decorating hard enough! Can you have too much happiness? Shut up, NO! Can you have too much sunshine and color? Go to hell!

Keep decorating! And when the decorations are all in place, decorate them! Let's get decorating, for fuck's sake!

Green means life! Like grass, and all God's creatures that swarm over a dead possum or piece of discarded meat! Green, green, green! This Greek-themed green room reminds us that "Greek" rhymes with "green", doesn't it? Leave me alone! I think it does! Nothing says "I'm in Greece" like some scrap wood easily nailed into the shape of an arched window! What do you see through that window? I see the demons that will take me if I ever stop decorating! This magic simulated window makes an elegant backdrop for a concrete statue of Glemdria Hugging Some Leaves. Who's she? Why, she's the Greek goddess of sticking your butt out  a little bit, silly!




Crucified Fish with Swallowed Trombone is by Stephan Spim, and makes a delightful accent piece for the side table.

Do you have a room that you think is too small to decorate? Shut up or I'll kill you! This very presidential microsuite is here to prove you're a bastard! Credenza with fold-down tamber that can never be folded back up because of a lamps and five other things? Check! Chair and  foot stool a few inches away? Check! Accent table filled with tea cup, incense burner, ice bucket, lamp, and curiously oversized "exotic pleasure device"? Check! Day bed only a few inches away? Oh, you bet that's a checkaroonie! All this wonderful stuff is embraced by a vibrant French colonial striped wallpaper with ornamental swirlicues. So cozy! If you never stop putting pretty things in your Special Little Room, that will keep The Voices quiet! We like quiet!


At the end of a long day of decorating, isn't it nice to just sit and relax in a simple, peaceful room of your stronghold to just unwind? In this Romanesque sitting room by Ernst Stavro Blofeld, you can enjoy a nice sit-down while enjoying the simple, everyday things that make your life worthwhile, like your marble statues of Poseidon, your tapestries, and your Lurking Cheetah printed tablecloth. You can take all this in while you ignore the veiled sexual overtures of your husband, looking sharp in his after-dinner-but-before-dessert jacket. It's the simple things that matter, stupid! Right?

8/17/17

Couple clip arts - The deadly art of persuasion.

These three little ads come from the dirt-cheap-to-buy-space-and-claims-are-never-verified section way at the back of the September 1957 issue of Popular Science. Can recycling their clip art make you richer, smarter, and more persuasive? Of course! But not really!! Let's get started!!!

You don't have to go back to icky boring school for losers to get English more good! Get yourself some learn, stupid! But at home! Do today! DOOOO! 

With this 1000x1000 px profile picture at the top left corner of your Popular Online Or Professional Communications Application, you'll have all the credibility of a person whose just whipped off their glasses to make a key point! What else are you gonna do? Go get some glasses and just remove them whenever you want? HAH! I'd like to see you try! Stop being a sucker and use this guy as your profile picture! ... IF you can handle all that credibility.

This version is a PNG clip art. As you know, "PNG" is an acronym for Probably No Goddam opacity on the background. That means that, apart from the black pixels, the image is transparent. Trust me, I just took off my glasses.


Do you know the secret to passing the civil service test? Ben Franklin knows. It's having big, chunky hands grafted onto your arms from a different drawing. The Franklin Institute is not government sponsored. There is a test for that, but they couldn't figure out how to pass it.
And now Ben can point at two things for you, with some other drawing's hands. What happened to Ben's real hands? He broke them off in the ass of the last jerk who asked him where his hands were, that's what!!! Get with it, turkey! Right-click Ben Franklin and his borrowed maulers onto your hard drive for when you need to do some persuading with a transparent background in your image. He's a PNG, he's only made of black pixels, and he's gonna beat some truth into you with someone else's hands. He's Ben Franklin and he's comin' to your town!


Yeah! Now we're talking! Casting! Just look at that babe, all eager to get cast in some kind of movie and she'll do just about anything to get the part. if only there were some way she could convince you she's the right one for the - Wait. What? Casting plastic? Like molds and stuff? Sonofabitch.

Okay, fine. I guess we're to believe you can cast yourself a new plastic girlfriend. Just be sure to trim off the flash around her edges where the mold came together. Nothing ruins an intimate moment like scraping yourself on a poorly dressed mold seam.
Ooooh, yeah, baby. You know I like it when your white pixels are transparent. I wanna see right through to your alpha channel. Come over here and make yourself comfortable on my hard drive. Just let me right click you a little bit. Don't pay attention to those car pictures or other clip arts you might see in there. They mean nothing to me. Yeah, Uh huh. Right. Got it. Right. Yeah. Sigh...Oh for the love of god, shut up. This relationship is suffocating me already.



8/16/17

Cherry Extrusion bathroom deodorizer


8/15/17

8/14/17

Apple Dump-ling bathroom deodorizer.